Lord. Here it is, the night before we pack the truck and take our bit of family off onto another place just one state away. We celebrated with all of Jonathans' people from his work and came home to sit on the porch for beers and reflection.
Then Jess came over. And we talked a lot about Jesus, and faith.
Then she left, and we talked mostly about Cummins, and reasons, and then Jonathan sent me out for cigarettes. Because we smoke while we drink, and we were out. And I came home and he had his head on the table, almost sleeping since it's late as hell, and he's been up since five. And so, I suppose it seems like a good idea to log these thoughts, although in hindsight it may just be beer riddled ramblings about change and working for it. But here it is, and I'm not in hindsight yet.
Have you ever done something not smart? Have you ever done something just because you could? Because one night, at the table, it sounded just right? And then you take your job, and you quit, and you think...oh? This house? We can give it up. It sucks the life from us, so does this place, so does this life.
And then you decide to walk away. Then you decide that the loan isn't worth your happiness, that your credit rating doesn't equal happiness. That the home you love will never bring the happiness you believed in six years ago when you were a newlywed, and a new parent. That maybe you HAVE TO walk away to preserve your family. That the big "forclosure" word isn't so dirty, but the cleanest break you can make.
And so that's what we're doing. I mean, really. How can we not?
I haven't kept up with this blog at all. I meant to, but I changed jobs, and got a little lost. Or a lot lost. I lost my running, my yoga, my time with my children. And I chased money. And I lost. I did gain some fine people in the meantime, but my whole self stepped off the edge and is just now coming back around. I cannot say enough that I went after money and LOST.
Now, please don't misunderstand, I made a bunch of money. Four times what I was making before. Every week. And it sucked. It sucked the life out of me, my life, and my time. And I couldn't make a difference, anyway. Because things are the way they are, and they just are.
It's good to know what you can and cannot do. And also good to know when to walk away. And so. We are walking away. From everything. From security, from safety, from the comfort of our own home.
I'll make the rest of this blog about our big change, but until then I sit, content in the knowing that we were brave enough to make the change, and to share that change with you. And so, we walk away. And we grab onto ourselves, and hold on tight. Keep reading, keep loving each other, and run to your dreams. If you don't they will run from you.
