Fast Enough For Me

Isn't it funny how we all think we've got it all under control? I'm running the show here. I'm making all the important decisions. Me, the great commander of all things great and small, from the laundry and the manners and everything in between. I coordinate schedules, remember things like dentist appointments and to give the dogs their flea stuff so we don't have to buy that expensive spray again. The one in control, the boss, the big kahuna? That's me.

Yeah, right.

I really love the way the universe, or God, or what/who ever makes things go round and round and sends out life lessons always makes sure to speak up if I'm not listening. It's such a comfort to me to know that my ego has a conscience. And that I'm not the one in control of that.

I tend to not listen to myself too much. I shove my sense right down and keep on keeping on. It really doesn't matter if it's something inconsequential like having one too many cookies or pretty big like taking on so much I end up with almost- pneumonia. Which is how the universe yelled at me this week, since I clearly wasn't listening even after it spoke up loud and clear with a speeding ticket at the beginning of the week.

"Do you know how fast you were going?" she asked through my open window. "Too fast," I answered. And I was going too fast, and I knew it. But I was late, and I had to take Jonathan his phone, and get to work on time, and, and, and.

She gave me a ticket, thankfully with no points on my license. And I've been setting my cruise control ever since. It has surprised me how much pressure this takes off of my trips downtown and back. And how much more relaxed I am because I'm not constantly worried about getting a ticket or planning moves to keep speeding ahead. Sometimes the universe appears as a petite policewoman just doing her job. Just like magic. With flashing lights and everything.

And other times it appears after a tense forty-five minute wait with two antsy children in an examination room as of my kind nurse practitioner, Karen. With a patient smile she asked me, "Why did you wait so long to come in?" "I just thought I'd get better," I  answered honestly. This was after her horrified look at my throat. ("Your tonsils are HUGE!" she exclaimed. Oh. Really?) "You have infection everywhere. Have you ever used an inhaler? Haven't you noticed being short of breath?" Well, I had noticed that I wasn't breathing very deeply, but didn't really think about it. Too much going on, too much to do.

Karen left the room and came back with an inhaler and 8 sample bottles of cough syrup. Informed me if I were still wheezing on Monday that she would send me for chest x-rays. And laughed at me when I told her I had to go to work, but had the next four days off. "Oh, ho ho ho. No work for you."

Oh.

Bronchitis, strep throat, AND a sinus infection. OK, OK. I hear you universe. Definitely yelling "SLOOOW DOWN!!!" now. Easy.

And so I am taking my medicine, and resting, and not doing too much. Look at me- working on my blog even! Putting down all the burdens I took on and remembering to look when it's time to pick up my bags again on Monday. And feeling so sort of delighted that when I need it I can take care of myself. I wish I could explain how happy it makes me that these lessons are out there for me to learn, and that I will always get shown the way. That even universal screaming and yelling can make me feel so comforted and joyful.